With another sniffle, Taryn asked, "Am 'I' one of those decisions?" Even if those choices ultimately led me to love you like I do." Then he asked, "Do you ever feel like that? Like.just one or two educated decisions could have changed your whole existence as you know it right now?" How exhausting it is to think that.I made all the wrong choices in my life. Taryn paused again, and then softly told me, "You have no idea how much it hurts to think about this. Who expects you to be perfect and have all the answers in that kind of situation? How many teens at your age could do much better?" I said. "You did everything that you could, Taryn. Some big brother I turned out to be, huh?" Maybe I was being selfish in thinking that I could crossover and make everything all better for myself, and little Alec would just find a way to get by on his own.
Maybe I really did leave him behind ten years ago. If my need to believe in something bigger than me made me deliberately shut down my own common sense so the illusion of being 'saved' from my old life would be more believable." I could hear Taryn moving, drawing his knees even further up under his chin. But when I think back on it.really focus on the kinds of things those shadows showed me tonight.I have to wonder if I wanted it. You trusted them because they 'tricked' you into trusting them. "It wasn't your fault that they took advantage of you." I said. And I was too stupid to take notice and get away from the when I had the chance." They never took the time to get to know one personal thing about who I was. Now that I think back on it.they didn't even know me. My needs and desires didn't matter to them. Every time I thought I knew I was either rejected or hated or manipulated by somebody who was looking for his own satisfaction instead of giving a shit about what they were doing to me. But at the time, I didn't have any clue what real love was supposed to be. I'm thinking.maybe this is what I should have been looking for all along. I was thankful to hear Taryn say, "I didn't know what love really was, Justin. I wanted to believe in him soooo badly." He sighed.įeeling a tremble in my chest, I asked, ".Did you love him?" I didn't question his motives or think about his advances.I just followed behind him until it was too late to go back. And, like an idiot.I bought every lie he ever told me. One of the only people who gave enough of a shit to want to help us. When.when Trevor came along.he was one of the only people who was nice to us. We ran out of money in the first few days and we didn't have anywhere to sleep. She'd have to at LEAST be suspicious of what was going on in that house when her back was turned. To stay away from him and cause such a scandal and raise so many questions that my mother would have to believe me. I mean, I planned for everything to go smoothly. "I was so sure that I had everything under control. I took my brother, Alec, and I got the hell out of there before he destroyed our lives forever." Taryn sniffled some more, but I gave him time to regain his composure, wishing that I could hold him in my arms.
He thought he had me trapped and that he'd be able to 'take' what he wanted from me.but I wouldn't let him. Taryn was quiet for a moment, then he said, "He never really touched me, Justin. I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that." The shadows lock on to things sometimes and I don't have any control over what they do." I said, turning my head and pressing my palm against the door.
I wasn't trying to pry into your thoughts. "I take it that you saw it all, then.didn't you?" Taryn sobbed softly. I never meant for the shadows to dig so deeply into his painful past. Tears continued to pour out of my eyes, rolling down my puffy cheeks in silence as I fought to hide my own sour emotions from him. Hearing Taryn trying to hide his sniffling from me on the other side of that bathroom door was breaking my heart.
#Nifty gay stories comicality stories gone from daylight free#
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